Knowing you.

You have told me, time and time again, that I don't know you and that I never did. Maybe that is true, but it's not for lack of trying. I did know you, I tried in every way to know you and to know who you are. Maybe you didn't know who you were, or you were figuring out who you were, and I never got the opportunity to figure it out with you. Maybe I knew who you were, and you have grown and changed, and I never got to know who you have become. It's not a bad thing; I'm not the girl I once was, I am the woman I have become. When I met you, I was this woman.  You were young, going through so many hardships and changes, things that would change you into the person you are now, and likely will be a part of the person you are still becoming. Maybe the idea that I never knew you isn't an insult, it's a truth. It's a truth because I was never allowed the opportunity to know who you have become and are still becoming. It's hard to form a deep bond with someone who is still in the throes of growing up. It doesn't mean you were dishonest with me, just that you were confused and just trying to find out who you really are and who you want to be. They say age isn't anything but a number, and in ways it's true, but in many other ways it's a huge, glaring lie. One may experience more in their younger years than others will in their whole lives, but that doesn't mean they are done growing or changing earlier than another. We grow and change almost our whole lives. The biggest lie we can tell the world and tell ourselves is that we are set in our ways. We are stubborn, what we feel now is all we can truly see and sometimes we think it's all we will ever know or see. Some people grow together, others grow apart. It's part of life, it's natural, and it's wonderfully painful. When two people enjoy a time together of intense closeness and caring and it ends suddenly, it causes pain and confusion, but it shouldn't lesson the beauty of the time that was spent loving and enjoying each other. I guess what I'm saying is, I don't know you. I did know you, for a brief time, and I'm grateful for that. If I see you in the future and you aren't even a shadow of the person I once shared secrets and joys and sorrows with, it will make me sad that the person I knew no longer exists. But we all must deal with death, it's a part of life. Metaphorical or physical death, both are equally painful.